Charm. Oh so easy to want, but oh! Not-so-easy to acquire! To be charming requires a change in mindset. It’s not like I can actually give you action steps to follow and it will then all fall in to place. No, no no!
To become charming, you can follow actions steps, but what is important is the psychology of a charming woman. Just take a moment and visualize a woman whom you think is charming. Can you think of one? It can be a famous lady or it could be someone you know – a good friend. Perhaps your best friend.
It could be a man. Some men are really good at being charming. Although, I tend to associate charisma more with men, and charm more with women. What do you think?
You probably admire how effortlessly charming this woman/man seems. Charm seems like a quality out-of-reach for many, much like charisma. It’s known as a quality a lucky few are “blessed” with. Almost like a God-given talent. But it’s not. You’re probably already charming and you don’t even know it! But it’s good to at least be aware of what works.
Charm is defined as: a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty; any action supposed to have magical power; to delight or please greatly by beauty; attractiveness; enchant.
At a very basic level, all humans have it in them to please, be attractive to, and enchant other human beings. Any woman can have a magical effect on her friends, her husband or boyfriend, and relatives. Because at some level, we are all the same. We all have an unsaid and unseen understanding, in one way or another (even though we unfortunately tend to segregate people in society). We all have the same basic human needs, and we all experience pain and pleasure of some sort; even though we are all clearly so different.
And even though other people may seem like they don’t understand you, and sometimes we seem like we humans are worlds apart; we all have that magical power within us.
And why is charm important anyway? Well, you will see in the steps I give below, but charm is incredibly important in life because it allows you to connect with anyone and everyone a little deeper than just the ‘basic’, dreary pleasantries and superficial conversation. It endears you to others, thereby creating a deeper connection and allowing you more influence.
Not only this, but it attracts people to you – men, women and children alike. Being charming allows you to bring people joy, ecstasy, laughter, fun and to touch their lives in a special, exciting way.
And for you? Well, being charming will help you become a very memorable woman; friend, colleague, lover, mother, daughter and member of society. All the shapes of woman you can think of.
So here are 8 keys that will show you how to become a charming woman:
1. See the humor in things. Not everything has to be taken seriously. If you are always stressed, your magical effect will definitely be suffering. If you laugh at yourself, others will think it’s ok to be themselves around you, and that they won’t be judged and made to feel less around you.
Just let go, be free and really laugh. If you have a funny or odd laugh, so be it. That makes you even funnier.
If someone says “you’re weird”, have a laugh about it! Chuckle and say “I know”. After all, everybody is weird. If you’re not weird or ‘different’ in some way, you’re boring.
Sometimes, the key to seeing the humor in things is to be in a humorous, light-hearted, happy mood to start with.
If you’re expecting visitors, or if your boyfriend or husband is due home, and you feel miserable (but must get your mood up for the sake of the people you care about), perhaps you could think of a funny video you can watch on YouTube that you know will always change your state and put you in to a good spirit.
Have some songs, or a few articles/videos tucked away in your bookmarks (sign up to delicious.com for a really easy, Free, and simple bookmarking service), or keep them in your memory. Here are a couple of videos that change my state, get me smiling and get me rolling on the floor laughing in no time:
2) Don’t try to please everyone, and don’t obsess over whether this or that person is upset with you/dislikes you. Easier said than done (at least for me anyway). The more you worry about these things, the less you will endear yourself to others. Because you’re really just focusing on yourself (in a bad way).
This sucks energy from others, rather than allowing your magnetic and magical abilities to flow. A charming woman has the ability to move on when necessary. Again, easier said than done. But so worth the effort!
Instead, focus on using the power that you do have. You can influence others with good intentions, and you can care more. Ultimately, that’s one of the best options. The more you worry about their thoughts about you, the more you become a leech, and a burden on their life.
Life is really, really short. You don’t have the TIME to obsess over other people’s thoughts about you.
Everybody is already judging you anyway. People are always making judgments about you! So be it. Can you control this? Hell, no! Well, some may think that if they keep obsessing over it, they might eventually be doing the ‘right’ thing. You cannot do the ‘right thing’ by others all the time.
Sometimes, you may just happen to annoy people accidentally. It happens to everybody. No-one is immune to this!
For some, no matter WHAT you do, they’ll just choose to hate you anyway. And it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them.
In effect, if you don’t want to be judged, just do nothing! Strive for nothing! Be nothing, and think nothing. Just be completely useless! But guess what, people will judge you for that, too!! Surprise!
If you know other people’s judgments ultimately don’t make a difference to what you do, then you’re well on your way to becoming charming. Granted, people say hurtful things, and it’s ok to be upset – but it’s really all about not getting so caught up in your own need to be ‘accepted’. These kinds of people are not charming. They’re more likely to be a turn-off.
3) In interaction with others, be at the same energy level or higher. Bounce back on the level of others. Don’t be a drag, What do I mean? I mean, when you meet someone at a social event or wherever you meet people, and you’re having a conversation, be present and keep the energy up and going between the both of you.
Don’t get too caught up in your own judgments of others and their views that you can’t even carry on a conversation with them and continue being present.
Bouncing back on other people’s level also means to mirror them (copy their facial expressions and mannerisms), and influence them with your energy (this can also be feminine energy of course). If they’re excited, be excited for them. If they’re upset, judge the situation – maybe it’s better to show sympathy. Go with your instincts.
If they say something that seems weird to you, that’s not in your way of thinking – just accept it and keep the energy up. Ask them about it; try to understand.
To be charming, magical and endearing, you have to be able to make people feel like you are like them; that you’re a friend.
4) See the good in things. Think; where’s the GOOD in this? What can I do right NOW that will make me feel free and lighten up? What would I need to think, believe, feel or do right NOW, to begin seeing the good side of this situation?
Feeling depressed can be overwhelming, and sometimes you’d rather jump off a tall building than continue on, but there’s always something good in everything. There’s always something that you can learn.
By the way, a pessimist is not charming.
5) Be present. Whenever you meet, engage with, or see someone, maintain eye contact. Listen and be attentive. Avoid “fidgeting”.
And don’t stare in to space. Have you ever been saying something to someone, and they look like they are off in space, and you feel like a bit of a donkey for speaking whilst no-one is listening?
And then only to become MORE annoyed when you say “you’re not listening” and they say, “yes I was!” and when you ask them “OK, well, what did I just say?” and though they’re able to say back to you exactly what you just said, you KNOW they weren’t really listening; it was just that they managed to somehow yank your words out of their memory and regurgitate them to you?
By the way, people are able to do this due to a thing known as the phonological loop, a part of the brain that takes whatever is coming in to your ears, and it plays it over and over again for a few seconds in your head after you hear it. ta da! There you have it. An ability to regurgitate what you didn’t truly listen to.
But don’t do this! A lack of presence negates charm. Again; maintain eye contact, listen and be attentive.
6) Acknowledge and understand that there are 2 types of charm and charisma within you, and engage people. Choose wisely.
A great woman who is confident in herself can utilize both of these with ease, without dampening people’s spirits.
The first type of charm is the kind of charm that comes from focusing solely on others.
The second type of charm is the kind of charm that comes from focusing on yourself.
Think about it. Haven’t you met someone who was really in to themselves, that would rarely sit down and listen to YOU, but they seemed to be charming anyway? Something about them endeared you to them, and perhaps it was a friend of yours who wasn’t such a good friend – but you were repeatedly enticed in to the friendship again and again? (you don’t want to be this kind of friend, but the example is there to show you that you can still be charismatic through a focus on yourself).
The key is knowing how to do it without being a downer. A drag of a person.
Admittedly, great charm comes from a focus on others. But a truly charming woman has the ability to be both without trying to prove anything to anybody.
She is confident in who she is, and isn’t trying to convince you of anything, or sell herself to you.
Why can someone who’s focused on themselves be charming? Because they still manage to engage people. They actually have a way of making people laugh (whether it be at THEM or at something/someone else). They are generally able to make people feel GOOD.
People who are able to be charming through a focus on themselves often draw you in further to them through their self-focus, and ability to make fun of themselves or intrigue you.
They’re engaging. And engaging is central to being charming.
The word ‘magical’, being a part of the definition of ‘charming’ really is a quality that someone has that makes others happy.
Be aware of the two kinds of charm, and choose wisely. One type of charm/charisma may be more useful than another type at any given time. But, just in case you think you can’t possibly consciously always think about and focus on choosing which type to utilize, you’re right.
But by being aware, and starting to act on this awareness, you’ll often find that you begin to do things subconsciously and naturally.
But ultimately, if you truly care for others, you can use either charm and be in a win-win situation.
7) Let go and be a kid. Have FUN!! Even when it’s a little taboo to have fun. Children often have a lot of charm, (when they’re in a good mood). Small children don’t care what other people think.
They’re charming because they’re innocent, addicted to adventure and fun, wide-eyed, crazy, able to just be themselves, and they’re full of energy as well as being responsive. You say ‘poop’ and they laugh their butt off! You pinch their face, and they laugh! You clap your hands, they laugh! You make a silly face, and they laugh, and laugh and laugh!
At first you just think it’s cute, but by the end, you’re so infected with their energy that you’re laughing too! And you want to be around this baby, because he or she makes you feel GOOD!
Next time you see a puddle, jump in it, instead of bitching about it.
Jump on a trampoline, make FUN a central focus of your life. Relax and let go. If you love fun, you’re charming.
8 ) Love your femininity, and be comfortable in being a woman. Accentuate all the attributes that make you feminine and womanly. It’s ok to play with your hair, twist it around in your finger, pout, bite your lip, and it’s ok to delight in your new pretty skirt, and twirl it around. This doesn’t make you an air head or a dummy, it makes you charming, especially to a man.
If you make a mistake, just go straight back to being the woman that you are. Keep moving forward, and go right ahead and laugh at yourself.
Finally, some examples of women (and a few men) who I think are charming:
1) See the humor in things. Be able to laugh at yourself.
2) Stop trying to please people. When are people judging you? All the time.
3) In interaction with others, be at the same energy level or higher.
4) See the good in things
5) Be present in interaction with others
6) Acknowledge the 2 types of charm, engage people, and choose wisely.
7) Let go and be a kid – let the child in you show
8 ) Love your femininity, be comfortable in being a woman; accentuate your womanliness
- Charm and the charming. (minnesodad.wordpress.com)