SPA NITE! *Make a friend…Bring a friend*

marykaysparklebagMary Kay with Chelsea

  • Skin Treatment
  • Makeover
  • Hand Treatment
  • Foot Treatment
  • Product Sampling
  • Free Information

 

44438_358719034224539_1423461322_nEpicure with Krista

  • Food Sampling
  • Free Catalogs
  • Free Information

 

bath

PartyLite with Darlene

  • Product Viewing
  • Free Catalogs
  • Free Information

 

Munchies & Prize Draws!

When: Friday, April 19

Time: 6 – 9 p.m.

(reply for more information)

Passion Party and Partylite combo!

3 gals hosting a Party!

Passion Party (adult products)

(“offering you the ultimate adult products in North America!)

passion parties

Partylite (candle products)

(“a leader in the art of creating ambiance with candles, holders, diffusers, home decor and more!”)

Partylite

You’re invited!

Bring a:

•friend

•relative

•co-worker

•wife/husband

•boy/girlfriend

•or come alone

enjoy munchies and meet new friends!

When: Friday, March 29

Time: 6 – 8 p.m.

Where: Saskatoon and area

Why: bringing romance into or back into your life! …

Grrrreat way to start your weekend!

***for more details and/or catalog

reply to this ad***

(if you’re interested in hosting your own fabulous party, reply!)

Spirit of Healing Wellness: Massage, Colon Hydratherapy, Vibrational Trainer

http://www.spiritofhealing.sasktelwebsite.net/index.html

Spirit of Healing Wellness Center

With the Spirit of Healing, it’s all about you.

Walking With Power

This series of four workshops titled, “Walking With Power” is designed to lead the participants through a process that, in the words of those who have completed it, is transformative in nature. The process is one that focuses on knowing who we are as a unique expression of the Creator. It asks us to understand, celebrate and embrace the journey that calls us and the learning that we do on the way.

  1. Understanding Our Journey

    The first workshop “Understanding Our Journey” gives us an overview of that process and enables us to get in touch with some of the behaviours that stand in our way of making a strong and healthy connection with Spirit. It does this by creating a safe place for participants to share their lives with each other. From this secure base participants say that they feel freedom to let go of the roles that they play in favour of allowing others to see their authentic selves. 

  2. Grieving Our Losses

    Because the very first step in our spiritual journey, according to every spiritual tradition, is about knowing who we are this is where we begin in the second workshop “Grieving Our Losses”. In this workshop we go deeper into looking at our lives and understanding how our failure to grieve the experiences of the past creates the patterns or roles that we play – roles and patterns that control and determine our lives today. From this position of awareness we are able to take control of our lives in the present and make decisions from a position of power. Virtually all of the participants agree that this approach is more life giving than allowing our undealt with fear, guilt or anger determine our choices. Participants often see this workshop as the most difficult and the most life-changing of the four.

  3. A Question Of Balance

    The third workshop “A Question Of Balance” begins where the second workshop ends – with the understanding that we are creators of our own lives. In it we focus on overcoming our belief in duality as we look at what it means to work in balance in our lives. Questions such as, “What does it mean to balance male and female elements within us, to create balance between the intellectual and the creative, the spiritual and the secular, the creator and the created, the helper and the helped?” We also look at what values and beliefs best enable us to walk in a way that is life-giving for both ourselves and others. In this section of the series we will be looking at these questions by focusing on the teachings of the Kabbalah, the oral mystical tradition of the Jewish people.

  4. All My Relations

    The fourth workshop “All My Relations” deals with the seven levels of relationship that we experience as defined by Jamie Sams in her book, “Dancing the Dream”. These are as follows:

    1. The relationship of self to the Creator. 
    2. The relationship of self to self (body, mind, spirit, thought, feeling, dream and intuition). 
    3. The relationship of self to other selves.
    4. The relationship of self to nature (plants, animals, stones, water, mountains, valleys, deserts, jungles, forests, and plains). 
    5. The relationship of self to the universe. 
    6. Our relationship to the unseen worlds of awareness within ourselves. 
    7. Our relationship to unborn worlds of consciousness within us (our own evolution).

       The workshop will include a time of celebration and reflection on the question of “Where do we go from here?” It will draw heavily on the eleven years of experience and learning of the facilitator within the aboriginal community.

The fundamental understanding that we are all “One in Spirit” is demonstrated in the workshops with a preference for integration of the various spiritual traditions of mankind. It becomes very clear as we progress that the teachings of all spiritual traditions are the same, that all of them come from Spirit and that Spirit communicates to each culture and person in ways that is the most likely to allow for understanding and integration in their lives. It is the view of the facilitator that it is only when we come to this understanding that we can truly respect, honour and celebrate each others path rather than start wars over who is right and who is wrong.

Looking for Love? Wear Red on Valentines Day!

 

This time of year, both fans of Valentine’s Day and V-day haters are bound to have a few things on the brain.   One major association we have with the holiday is love and attraction.  Another big one is the color red, with decorative hearts, cards, clothing and candy bombarding the senses in stores across the country.  But it turns out that attraction and the color red have more in common than just Valentine’s Day; in fact, the color red may be the key to your loved one’s heart.

Simply wearing red elicits higher ratings of attractiveness, both when men rate women (Elliot, 2008) and when women rate men (Elliot, 2010).  In both studies, ratings were contrasted for pictures of people wearing red versus other colors, such as gray, blue and green, and seeing red consistently led to enhanced attractiveness ratings.  This effect is not just a cultural phenomenon; the finding was replicated when Chinese participants performed the same experiment.  The participants were also unaware that the color had an effect on their judgments, so it can’t be explained by a general preference for the color red.  So what is the source of red’s seductive powers?

Some psychologists suspect that humans place a high value on the color red for evolutionary reasons.  For many non-human species, red is a signal of physical fitness that can help attract mates, as is the case for male gelada baboons and frigatebirds, who advertise an enlarged red sac that is remarkably similar to a heart-shaped balloon:
Thus, our preference for seeing red on the opposite sex could stem from a primitive mechanism that evolved to increase mating behavior.

Alternatively, we may be attracted to people wearing red because of learned associations. For instance, in Western culture, people learn to associate red with a diverse range of concepts, from positive (romance, fast cars) to negative (red marks on failed assignments) to dangerous things (blood, fire alarms).  The story gets even more complicated when you consider what other cultures associate with red; in Eastern cultures, for example, red is considered lucky and is associated with weddings in China.  But Elliot and colleagues emphasize that context plays an important role in how red affects our perception and behavior at any given moment.  So the color red carries a different meaning when we encounter a stop sign versus a potential date.

In a recent study, Elliot and colleagues (2010) tested the theory that status may be an especially important cross-culture symbol associated with red, the color of choice for both classical Roman power players and contemporary politicians.  Specifically, the authors reasoned that women may be more attracted to men wearing red because red is a marker of high rank.  In two separate experiments, they showed first that women rated men wearing red as having higher status than men wearing gray or blue.  Second, women rated images of high-status men (as described by the experimenters) as more sexually attractive than low-status men.  Taken together, the authors claim that women prefer men who wear red because it signals high status, a quality that leads to attraction.

While this theory could explain why women prefer men wearing red, it doesn’t explain why men also prefer women in red.  Although this is an empirical question, a woman’s status isn’t exactly the first factor that comes to mind when determining her level of attractiveness.  To reconcile this issue, Elliot and colleagues suggest that men and women may both be attracted to the color red, but for different reasons.

However, another problem with the status theory is that it conflates status and confidence.  It’s possible that what both men and women are responding to when they see the opposite gender in red is a sense of confidence–after all, it takes guts to wear such a bold color.  Wearing red is a way of saying, “I’m an awesome person, and I’m not afraid to show it!”  Confidence and status are often correlated, so maybe the women in these studies were basing their judgments of attraction on how confident the men seemed, with men in red appearing more confident than those wearing more subdued colors like blue and gray.  In the end, no matter what color you’re wearing, confidence is always sexy–wearing red may just help you express that confidence.

Valentines Day Fashion

Valentine’s Day 2012 is very near, and on this love day, all men and women share some romantic moments with their sweethearts. A celebration of such days is a symbol of life and love! Valentines day is always colorful and this year 2012, hopefully you will have the opportunity to wear something special in terms of outfits and fashion accessories.

Gear up to make this day stylish, special and memorable. On this day we will be sharing something special with our loved ones, we need to look especially attractive. Here are some secrets regarding how men and women can be trendy during Valentines Day 2012

VALENTINE’S DAY 2012 FASHION FOR WOMEN

 

These fashion tips are provided for your Valentine’s Day 2012; after applying these tips you can have a perfect and glamorous look. So get ready to make this valentine’s day amazing!

Pink is a classic color and looks stylish, feminine and sexy. Select sparkling colors for valentine’s day 2012. Red, pink, flowered, polka dotted and striped clothing in these particular colors are great options. As well you can find some fashion accessories such as heart shaped jewellry, large flower pins, heart shaped pouches/purses all in pink, red or coordinating white etc

Valentine’s Day 2012 Fashion Accessories

First of all focus all of your attention on selecting perfect colors. A lady’s taste is revealed mostly by her style.  Valentine’s Day dress is incomplete without a stylish matching hand bag, footwear, jewellry and accessories.  Select your hand bag to suit your outfit. Also, always carry a hand bag matching your height and physique

Valentine’s Day 2012 Make Up

Stylish and fashionable makeup is very important for Valentine’s day. Hot red or pink glossed lips with a softer pink blush and smokey eyes will make you even more beautiful in your lover’s eyes!

Having s proper facial before applying makeup is extremely important. Clean and glowing skin, stylish makeup along with a new hairdo compliments your style and beauty.

VALENTINE’S DAY 2012 FASHION FOR MEN

Today men’s fashion is as important as women’s. The above fashion tips are the same for men, with a few small changes such as: shoes, wrist watches and other small fashion accessories.

Hair is vital to men’s fashion and should be styled according to physique and face shapes.

Follow these simple tips to have your gorgeous personal and sparkling new look for Valentine’s Day 2012!

St Valentines Day: History

Every year, the fourteenth day of the month of February has millions across the world presenting their loved ones with candy, flowers, chocolates and other lovely gifts. In many countries, restaurants and eateries are seen to be filled with couples who are eager to celebrate their relationship and the joy of their togetherness through delicious cuisines. There hardly seems to be a young man or woman who is not keen to make the most of the day.

The reason behind all of this is a kindly cleric named Valentine who died more than a thousand years ago.

Saint ValentineIt is not exactly known why the 14th of February is known as Valentine’s Day or if the noble Valentine really had any relation to this day. The history of Valentine’s Day is impossible to be obtained from any archive and the veil of centuries gone by has made the origin behind this day more difficult to trace. It is only some legends that are our source for the history of Valentine’s Day.

The modern St. Valentine’s Day celebrations are said to have been derived from both ancient Christian and Roman tradition. As per one legend, the holiday has originated from the ancient Roman festival of Lupercalis/Lupercalia, a fertility celebration that used to observed annually on February 15. But the rise of Christianity in Europe saw many pagan holidays being renamed for and dedicated to the early Christian martyrs. Lupercalia was no exception. In 496 AD, Pope Gelasius turned Lupercalia into a Christian feast day and set its observance a day earlier, on February 14.

He proclaimed February 14 to be the feast day in honor of Saint Valentine, a Roman martyr who lived in the 3rd century. It is this St. Valentine whom the modern Valentine’s Day honors.

According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Christian saints by the name of Valentine. While one was a priest in Rome, another was a bishop in Terni. Nothing is known about the third St. Valentine except that he met his end in Africa. Surprisingly, all three of them were said to have been martyred on 14th February.

It is clear that Pope Gelasius intended to honor the first of these three aforementioned men. Most scholars believe that this St. Valentine was a priest who lived around 270 AD in Rome and attracted the disfavor of Roman emperor Claudius II who ruled during this time.

The story of St. Valentine has two different versions -Protestant and Catholic  Both versions agree upon Saint Valentine being a bishop who held secret marriage ceremonies of soldiers in opposition to Claudius II who had prohibited marriage for young men and was executed by the latter. During the lifetime of Valentine, the golden era of Roman empire had almost come to an end. Lack of quality administrators led to frequent civil strife. Education declined, taxation increased and trade witnessed a very bad time. The Roman empire faced crisis from all sides, from the Gauls, Slavs, Huns, Turks and Mongolians from Northern Europe and Asia. The empire had grown too large to be shielded from external aggression and internal chaos with existing forces. Naturally, more and more capable men were required to to be recruited as soldiers and officers to protect the nation from takeover. When Claudius became the emperor, he felt that married men were more emotionally attached to their families, and thus, will not make good soldiers. He believed that marriage made the men weak. So he issued an edict forbidding marriage to assure quality soldiers.

The ban on marriage was a great shock for the Romans. But they dared not voice their protest against the mighty emperor. The kindly bishop Valentine also realized the injustice of the decree. He saw the trauma of young lovers who gave up all hopes of being united in marriage. He planned to counter the monarch’s orders in secrecy. Whenever lovers thought of marrying, they went to Valentine who met them afterwards in a secret place, and joined them in the sacrament of matrimony. And thus he secretly performed many marriages for young lovers. But such things cannot remain hidden for long. It was only a matter of time before Claudius came to know of this “friend of lovers,” and had him arrested.

While awaiting his sentence in prison, Valentine was approached by his jailor, Asterius. It was said that Valentine had some saintly abilities and one of them granted him the power to heal people. Asterius had a blind daughter and knowing of the miraculous powers of Valentine he requested the latter to restore the sight of his blind daughter. The Catholic legend has it that Valentine did this through the vehicle of his strong faith, a phenomenon refuted by the Protestant version which agrees otherwise with the Catholic one. Whatever the fact, it appears that Valentine in some way did succeed to help Asterius’ blind daughter.

Claudius IIWhen Claudius II met Valentine, he was said to have been impressed by the dignity and conviction of the latter. However, Valentine refused to agree with the emperor regarding the ban on marriage. It is also said that the emperor tried to convert Valentine to the Roman gods but was unsuccesful in his efforts. Valentine refused to recognize Roman Gods and even attempted to convert the emperor, knowing the consequences fully. This angered Claudius II who gave the order of execution of Valentine.

Meanwhile, a deep friendship had been formed between Valentine and Asterius’ daughter. It caused great grief to the young girl to hear of his friend’s imminent death. It is said that just before his execution, Valentine asked for a pen and paper from his jailor, and signed a farewell message to her “From Your Valentine,” a phrase that lived ever after. As per another legend, Valentine fell in love with the daughter of his jailer during his imprisonment. However, this legend is not given much importance by historians. The most plausible story surrounding St. Valentine is one not centered on Eros (passionate love) but on agape (Christian love): he was martyred for refusing to renounce his religion. Valentine is believed to have been executed on February 14, 270 AD.

Thus 14th February became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its Patron Saint. It began to be annually observed by young Romans who offered handwritten greetings of affection, known as Valentines, on this day to the women they admired. With the coming of Christianity, the day came to be known as St. Valentine’s Day.

But it was only during the 14th century that St. Valentine’s Day became definitively associated with love. UCLA medieval scholar Henry Ansgar Kelly, author of “Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine”, credits Chaucer as the one who first linked St. Valentine’s Day with romance. In medieval France and England it was believed that birds mated on February 14. Hence, Chaucer used the image of birds as the symbol of lovers in poems dedicated to the day. In Chaucer’s “The Parliament of Fowls,” the royal engagement, the mating season of birds, and St. Valentine’s Day are related:

“For this was on St. Valentine’s Day, When every fowl cometh there to choose his mate.”

By the Middle Ages, Valentine became as popular as to become one of the most popular saints in England and France. Despite attempts by the Christian church to sanctify the holiday, the association of Valentine’s Day with romance and courtship continued through the Middle Ages. The holiday evolved over the centuries. By the 18th century, gift-giving and exchanging hand-made cards on Valentine’s Day had become common in England. Hand-made valentine cards made of lace, ribbons, and featuring cupids and hearts began to be created on this day and handed over to the man or woman one loved. This tradition eventually spread to the American colonies. It was not until the 1840s that Valentine’s Day greeting cards began to be commercially produced in the U.S. The first American Valentine’s Day greeting cards were created by Esther A. Howlanda Mount Holyoke, a graduate and native of Worcester. Mass. Howland, known as the Mother of the Valentine, made elaborate creations with real lace, ribbons and colorful pictures known as “scrap”. It was when Howland began Valentine’s cards in a large scale that the tradition really caught on in the United States.

Today, Valentine’s Day is one of the major holidays in the U.S. and has become a booming commercial success. According to the Greeting Card Association, 25% of all cards sent each year are “valentine”s. The “valentines”, as Valentine’s Day cards are better known as, are often designed with hearts to symbolize love. The Valentine’s Day card spread with Christianity, and is now celebrated all over the world. One of the earliest valentines was sent in 1415 AD by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife during his imprisonment in the Tower of London. The card is now preserved in the British Museum.

There may be doubts regarding the actual identity of Valentine, but we know that he really existed because archaeologists have recently unearthed a Roman catacomb and an ancient church dedicated to a Saint Valentine.

7 Ways to Live Life to the Fullest!

Are you charting a course to fulfill your dreams? Or are you wandering around without a compass, hoping you’ll somehow find your way? If you’re stuck in a rut,  these tips will help you get back on track. 

1. Don’t Try to Buy Happiness
Would you be happy if you had a hundred new pairs of Jimmy Choos or a brand new BMW? Maybe at first you would, but as time went on you’d “just want more, bigger, better and different in a never-ending fashion,” explains Alan Gettis, Ph.D., author of The Happiness Solution: Finding Joy and Meaning In An Upside Down World. The pleasure centers in your brain come alive when you score the perfect skirt or a great pair of jeans, but the feeling fades. After all, if you could really buy happiness, everyone would have bought it already!

If you still believe money is the secret to satisfaction, consider this: According to a University of Illinois study, the Forbes 400 (the wealthiest billionaires in America) and the Maasai tribes of East Africa (simple, pastoral herdsmen) exhibit the same levels of happiness, regardless of their monetary differences. In plain English: Money doesn’t buy happiness!

2. Go for Guy/Girl’s Night Out
Could seeing a movie with your pals save your life? Maybe so, when you consider that loneliness is a life-threatening condition that can raise your risk of heart disease and depression.

Connecting with friends counteracts stress and spurs the release of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that soothes and calms. Maybe that’s part of the reason women have been gathering in groups for centuries, grinding corn, knitting quilts or weaving baskets. “Instinctively, we know it’s good for us,” says Rebecca Radcliffe, motivational speaker and author of Hot Flashes, Chocolate Sauce, & Rippled Thighs: Woman’s Wisdom, Wellness, and Body Gratitude.

It helps to have a close group of friends, but it’s also important to interact with people outside that circle. Every kind of positive interaction, from smiling at the waitress to chatting with your neighbor, can boost your mood, says Radcliffe.

3. Answer the Call of the Wild
Claude Monet once said, “The richness I achieve comes from nature, the source of my inspiration.” Take his advice and make a date with Mother Nature. It will lower your stress levels, strengthen your immune system and leave you feeling blissfully tranquil.

Can’t spare time away for a weekend camping trip? You’ll reap the same benefits from a quick stroll through the park or an afternoon spent gardening. Even a glance at a tree-lined street or blue sky through your office window will boost your mood and productivity.

4. Make the Little Things Count
So, your alarm woke you up on time for work this morning. If that thought doesn’t make you jump for joy, ask yourself what would have happened if the alarm had failed? You would have woken up late, rushed out the door, forgotten your briefcase and arrived at the office disheveled. Worse, what if you hadn’t woken up at all?

On a typical day, a million things go right, says Gettis. The shower has hot water, your car starts and your computer turns on. “We’re often on auto-pilot and don’t appreciate the good things around us,” he notes.

It’s human nature to rubberneck at the accident on the freeway. But instead of seeking out the bad, focus on the good that’s right in front of you.

5. Pursue Your Passions
“Passions ignite us and keep us going,” says Gettis. But some of us are so entrenched in our daily lives that we’ve lost sight of them. Radcliffe suggests asking yourself this question: “If God came to you and told you to go after your dreams right away, what would you do first?”

Stumped? It’s time for a blast from the past. What did you love to do as a child? Which clubs did you join in high school? When did you last feel truly happy, and what were you doing at the time? The answers can help you rediscover your passions. For more ideas, make a list of things you’ve always wanted to learn, and then learn them. Dance the tango, study German, take up rock-climbing, play the guitar, write a poem…anything goes as long as you’re doing it for you.

“Giving an outlet to our creative selves satisfies a hunger that cannot be filled in any other way,” explains Radcliffe.

6. Forgive Yourself
Airlines have a limit when it comes to carry-on luggage. Pity we can’t set limits on ourselves when it comes to emotional baggage. Dwelling on past mistakes only prevents us from being happy in the present.

“Focusing on the past is a trap,” says Gettis. The key to forgiving yourself is to understand and accept your own history and to learn from your mistakes. How have they made you stronger and wiser? Use the lessons of the past to make better decisions today.

Forgiveness is an ongoing process. It can take months, even years. But in the meantime, “focus on creating a fulfilling life in the present,” suggests Gettis.

7. Live in the Moment
Cocktail hours, social events or a day off work can be great fun. But what about the rest of your life? What about the time you spend at work or running errands? If we only have isolated moments on the calendar to live for, we’re in trouble.

Most of our lives are made up of seemingly mundane moments spent pumping gas or standing in line at the grocery store. Yet we often dismiss these moments. They don’t count, we say. They’re not a part of our real lives. With this attitude, you’ll waste 80% of your life, notes Gettis. “If there’s anything resembling a magic bullet or a key to the universe, it’s the ability to be fully present…here and now,” he explains.

What’s the secret to living in the moment? This story from Gettis’ book says it all: A Zen master lay dying. One of his disciples remembered the fondness his teacher had for a certain cake and set out to find it. He returned with the delicacy for his master, who smiled appreciatively and slowly nibbled it, all the while moving closer to death. His students asked him if he had any last words and he whispered “yes.” The students drew closer, so as not to miss a single word. He said, “My, this cake is delicious!”

Source:

http://www.lifescript.com/

Recovering from Dating/Domestic Violence

Being the victim of violence in an intimate relationship can be very traumatic. You have chosen to love and trust your partner and s/he has betrayed you with violence. At the same time, there are often positive aspects of the relationship that may lead you to still cling to that relationship, believing your abuser loves you and will eventually change. These two sides of a violent relationship may make it very difficult to know if you really love your partner or not, or if you want to stay in the relationship or not. In fact, most survivors of relationship violence report that they do not want the relationship to end, they just want the abuse to stop. You may experience mixed feelings and feel a sense of responsibility. You may have told yourself that if only you could make things better, the violence would stop. It is very hard to accept that you have no control over your partner’s behavior, but it is ultimately more healing to recognize that no matter how confused about the situation you are, the fact remains the violence is not your fault

Recovering from a violent relationship is a process that takes time. You may experience depression, fear, self-blame, feelings of responsibility, difficulty concentrating, and helplessness, as well as the physical injuries associated with violence. Since abusive relationships are about power and control, survivors often have difficulty taking control of their lives back, particularly if the abuser has managed to isolate them socially or economically. There are, however, a number of services and organizations designed to help victims survive the abuse and move on with their lives.

Abuse in Dating Relationships

What You Should Know:
Definition of abuse in relationships: the intentional and systematic use of tactics to establish and maintain power and controlover the thoughts, beliefs, and conduct of a woman.

Abuse in permanent relationships often starts in dating years. It can lead to serious injury, suicide and murder and is always emotionally destructive to both men and women.

Physical abuse and threats of violence are crimes. It is against the law to assault your girlfriend or partner, just as it is a crime to assault a stranger. Abusers can be jailed or fined if convicted. Police are required to lay charges when there is probable cause to believe an assault has occurred.

All forms of abuse are expressions of power. They are meant to control the woman both immediately and in the future through the use of fear and intimidation. Society tolerates woman abuse through its acceptance of sexism in relationships. Men are permitted and encouraged to use force as a way to solving problems. Women are encouraged to take responsibility for the emotional needs of men and to assume blame when relationships break down.

Early Warning Signs of An Abuser
 
Are you going out with someone who:
  • is jealous and possessive toward you, won’t let you have friends, checks up on you, won’t accept breaking up
  • tries to control you by being very bossy,
    giving orders, making all the decisions, doesn’t take your opinion seriously
  • is scary, you worry about how he will react to things you say or do, threatens you, uses or owns weapons
  • is violent: has a history of fighting, loses temper quickly, brags about mistreating others
  • pressures you for sex, is forceful or scary around sex, thinks women or girls are sex objects, attempts to manipulate or guilt trip you by saying “if you really loved me you would…;” “no one will love you like I do,” gets too serious about the relationship too fast
  • abuses drugs or alcohol and pressures you to take them
  • blames you when mistreating you, says you provoked him, pressing his buttons, made him do it, lead him on
  • has a history of bad relationships and blames the other person for all the problems, “girls just don’t understand me;”
  • believes that men should be in control and powerful and that women should be passive and submissive
  • your family and friends have warned you about the person or told you they were worried for your safety

If You Are Abused…

You are not alone and you are not to blame. You cannot control his violence, but there are ways you can make yourself safer:

  • You can call the police if you have been assaulted.
  • Tell someone. Talk to a doctor or counsellor after each violent/abusive incident and have them keep a record for future evidence.
  • Write down the details for yourself as soon as possible after the assault. Use the list of resources in this brochure. Keep it in a safe, handy place where your partner won’t find it.
  • Develop a safety plan. Know all exits in your house you could use in an emergency. Memorize emergency numbers. Keep spare house and car keys handy. Know where you can stay in an emergency.
  • Call a shelter for abused women. Shelters can provide a safe place to stay in a crisis as well as information and counselling 24 hours a day, seven days a week in person or by phone.
  • Consider leaving the relationship as soon as possible.
  • Recognize that no one has the right to control you and that it is everyone’s human right to live without fear.

If You are Abusive…

You are not alone. Many men have a problem with violence learned from childhood or supported by society. You can learn less dangerous and damaging ways to feel that you are in control. Here are some things you should consider:

  • You need to take responsibility for your own behaviour. Your girlfriend or partner does not make you hurt her.
  • Your behaviour may destroy your relationship or seriously injure someone you care about.
  • Blaming your violence on drugs, alcohol or sickness and apologizing after the violence will not solve your problem.
  • Physical violence and threats of violence are crimes. You face fines or imprisonment, if convicted.
  • Denying your abuse and resisting intervention will prevent you from getting help. Police and other professionals intervene to keep everyone safe. You can begin to change the way you act with the support of resources listed in this pamphlet.

Why Do Men Abuse Women?

Because they:

  • may have learned this behaviour in their family of origin (many abusers have witnessed their father abusing their mother)
  • try to maintain a macho image reinforced by society and the media
  • believe it is an appropriate male expression of power and control
  • want their partner to remain dependent on them
  • know there are few, if any, consequences for violent acts

Why do Women Stay In Abusive Dating Relationships?

Because they:

  • want their relationships to work and hope their boyfriends will change
  • fear their boyfriend will hurt them or seek revenge if they leave
  • feel guilt and shame
  • see no alternative
  • are not aware that help is available
  • believe their boyfriend needs them
  • do not have social or personal supports
  • believe a boyfriend who is occasionally violent is better than no boyfriend at all
  • believe the violence and abuse is normal
  • think that the violence will go away after they get married

How Can Students Help When Abuse Has Happened?

Do:

  • believe your friend
  • listen calmly and take the concern seriously
  • reassure your friend that nobody deserves to be abused
  • support your friend in looking at the risks of more abuse
  • create an atmosphere of safety and trust
  • suggest talking to a trusted adult such as a teacher, guidance counsellor or school psychologist, or call one of the agencies listed on this pamphlet
  • consult with local agencies listed on the back of this pamphlet
  • call the 24-hour Abused Women’s Helpline

Don’t:

  • be misled that the crisis has passed
  • sound shocked or embarrassed
  • make light of the situation
  • guarantee secrecy
  • take responsibility for support alone
  • emphasize how bad others will feel
  • make unrealistic promises

In The Area of Prevention…Everyone Can:

  • become more aware of verbal and physical abuse in their own relationships
  • help students “break the silence”
  • be aware of jokes, movies, TV programs, advertising, & videos that are demeaning to women and may promote woman abuse

8 Keys to Instant Charm-How to be a Charming Woman

Charm. Oh so easy to want, but oh! Not-so-easy to acquire! To be charming requires a change in mindset. It’s not like I can actually give you action steps to follow and it will then all fall in to place. No, no no!

 

To become charming, you can follow actions steps, but what is important is the psychology of a charming woman. Just take a moment and visualize a woman whom you think is charming. Can you think of one? It can be a famous lady or it could be someone you know – a good friend. Perhaps your best friend.

 

It could be a man. Some men are really good at being charming. Although, I tend to associate charisma more with men, and charm more with women. What do you think?

 

You probably admire how effortlessly charming this woman/man seems. Charm seems like a quality out-of-reach for many, much like charisma. It’s known as a quality a lucky few are “blessed” with. Almost like a God-given talent. But it’s not. You’re probably already charming and you don’t even know it! But it’s good to at least be aware of what works.

 

Charm is defined as: a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty; any action supposed to have magical power; to delight or please greatly by beauty; attractiveness; enchant.

 

At a very basic level, all humans have it in them to please, be attractive to, and enchant other human beings. Any woman can have a magical effect on her friends, her husband or boyfriend, and relatives. Because at some level, we are all the same. We all have an unsaid and unseen understanding, in one way or another (even though we unfortunately tend to segregate people in society). We all have the same basic human needs, and we all experience pain and pleasure of some sort; even though we are all clearly so different.

 

And even though other people may seem like they don’t understand you, and sometimes we seem like we humans are worlds apart; we all have that magical power within us.

 

And why is charm important anyway? Well, you will see in the steps I give below, but charm is incredibly important in life because it allows you to connect with anyone and everyone a little deeper than just the ‘basic’, dreary pleasantries and superficial  conversation. It endears you to others, thereby creating a deeper connection and allowing you more influence.

Not only this, but it attracts people to you – men, women and children alike. Being charming allows you to bring people joy, ecstasy, laughter, fun and to touch their lives in a special, exciting way.

And for you? Well, being charming will help you become a very memorable woman; friend, colleague, lover, mother, daughter and member of society. All the shapes of woman you can think of.

 

So here are 8 keys that will show you how to become a charming woman:

1. See the humor in things. Not everything has to be taken seriously. If you are always stressed, your magical effect will definitely be suffering. If you laugh at yourself, others will think it’s ok to be themselves around you, and that they won’t be judged and made to feel less around you.

 

Just let go, be free and really laugh. If you have a funny or odd laugh, so be it. That makes you even funnier.

 

If someone says “you’re weird”, have a laugh about it! Chuckle and say “I know”. After all, everybody is weird. If you’re not weird or ‘different’ in some way, you’re boring.

 

Sometimes, the key to seeing the humor in things is to be in a humorous, light-hearted, happy mood to start with.

 

If you’re expecting visitors, or if your boyfriend or husband is due home, and you feel miserable (but must get your mood up for the sake of the people you care about), perhaps you could think of a funny video you can watch on YouTube that you know will always change your state and put you in to a good spirit.

 

Have some songs, or a few articles/videos tucked away in your bookmarks (sign up to delicious.com for a really easy, Free, and simple bookmarking service), or keep them in your memory. Here are a couple of videos that change my state, get me smiling and get me rolling on the floor laughing in no time:

 

2) Don’t try to please everyone, and don’t obsess over whether this or that person is upset with you/dislikes you. Easier said than done (at least for me anyway).  The more you worry about these things, the less you will endear yourself to others. Because you’re really just focusing on yourself (in a bad way).

 

This sucks energy from others, rather than allowing your magnetic and magical abilities to flow. A charming woman has the ability to move on when necessary. Again, easier said than done. But so worth the effort!

 

Instead, focus on using the power that you do have. You can influence others with good intentions, and you can care more. Ultimately, that’s one of the best options. The more you worry about their thoughts about you, the more you become a leech, and a burden on their life.

Life is really, really short. You don’t have the TIME to obsess over other people’s thoughts about you.

 

Everybody is already judging you anyway. People are always making judgments about you! So be it. Can you control this? Hell, no! Well, some may think that if they keep obsessing over it, they might eventually be doing the ‘right’ thing. You cannot do the ‘right thing’ by others all the time.

Sometimes, you may just happen to annoy people accidentally. It happens to everybody. No-one is immune to this!

 

For some, no matter WHAT you do, they’ll just choose to hate you anyway. And it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them.

 

In effect, if you don’t want to be judged, just do nothing! Strive for nothing! Be nothing, and think nothing. Just be completely useless! But guess what, people will judge you for that, too!! Surprise!

 

If you know other people’s judgments ultimately don’t make a difference to what you do, then you’re well on your way to becoming charming. Granted, people say hurtful things, and it’s ok to be upset – but it’s really all about not getting so caught up in your own need to be ‘accepted’. These kinds of people are not charming. They’re more likely to be a turn-off.

 

3) In interaction with others, be at the same energy level or higher. Bounce back on the level of others. Don’t be a drag, What do I mean? I mean, when you meet someone at a social event or wherever you meet people, and you’re having a conversation, be present and keep the energy up and going between the both of you.

 

Don’t get too caught up in your own judgments of others and their views that you can’t even carry on a conversation with them and continue being present.

 

Bouncing back on other people’s level also means to mirror them (copy their facial expressions and mannerisms), and influence them with your energy (this can also be feminine energy of course). If they’re excited, be excited for them. If they’re upset, judge the situation – maybe it’s better to show sympathy. Go with your instincts.

 

If they say something that seems weird to you, that’s not in your way of thinking – just accept it and keep the energy up. Ask them about it; try to understand.

 

To be charming, magical and endearing, you have to be able to make people feel like you are like them; that you’re a friend.

 

4) See the good in things. Think; where’s the GOOD in this? What can I do right NOW that will make me feel free and lighten up? What would I need to think, believe, feel or do right NOW, to begin seeing the good side of this situation?

 

Feeling depressed can be overwhelming, and sometimes you’d rather jump off a tall building than continue on, but there’s always something good in everything. There’s always something that you can learn.

By the way, a pessimist is not charming.

 

5) Be present. Whenever you meet, engage with, or see someone, maintain eye contact. Listen and be attentive. Avoid “fidgeting”.

And don’t stare in to space. Have you ever been saying something to someone, and they look like they are off in space, and you feel like a bit of a donkey for speaking whilst no-one is listening?

 

And then only to become MORE annoyed when you say “you’re not listening” and they say, “yes I was!” and when you ask them “OK, well, what did I just say?” and though they’re able to say back to you exactly what you just said, you KNOW they weren’t really listening; it was just that they managed to somehow yank your words out of their memory and regurgitate them to you?

 

By the way, people are able to do this due to a thing known as the phonological loop, a part of the brain that takes whatever is coming in to your ears, and it plays it over and over again for a few seconds in your head after you hear it. ta da! There you have it. An ability to regurgitate what you didn’t truly listen to.

 

But don’t do this! A lack of presence negates charm. Again; maintain eye contact, listen and be attentive.

 

6) Acknowledge and understand that there are 2 types of charm and charisma within you, and engage people. Choose wisely.

 

A great woman who is confident in herself can utilize both of these with ease, without dampening people’s spirits.

 

The first type of charm is the kind of charm that comes from focusing solely on others.

 

The second type of charm is the kind of charm that comes from focusing on yourself.

 

Think about it. Haven’t you met someone who was really in to themselves, that would rarely sit down and listen to YOU, but they seemed to be charming anyway? Something about them endeared you to them, and perhaps it was a friend of yours who wasn’t such a good friend – but you were repeatedly enticed in to the friendship again and again? (you don’t want to be this kind of friend, but the example is there to show you that you can still be charismatic through a focus on yourself).

 

The key is knowing how to do it without being a downer. A drag of a person.

 

Admittedly, great charm comes from a focus on others. But a truly charming woman has the ability to be both without trying to prove anything to anybody.

 

She is confident in who she is, and isn’t trying to convince you of anything, or sell herself to you.

 

Why can someone who’s focused on themselves be charming? Because they still manage to engage people. They actually have a way of making people laugh (whether it be at THEM or at something/someone else). They are generally able to make people feel GOOD.

 

People who are able to be charming through a focus on themselves often draw you in further to them through their self-focus, and ability to make fun of themselves or intrigue you.

 

They’re engaging. And engaging is central to being charming.

The word ‘magical’, being a part of the definition of ‘charming’ really is a quality that someone has that makes others happy.

 

Be aware of the two kinds of charm, and choose wisely. One type of charm/charisma may be more useful than another type at any given time. But, just in case you think you can’t possibly consciously always think about and focus on choosing which type to utilize, you’re right.

But by being aware, and starting to act on this awareness, you’ll often find that you begin to do things subconsciously and naturally.

 

But ultimately, if you truly care for others, you can use either charm and be in a win-win situation.

 

7) Let go and be a kid. Have FUN!! Even when it’s a little taboo to have fun. Children often have a lot of charm, (when they’re in a good mood). Small children don’t care what other people think.

 

They’re charming because they’re innocent, addicted to adventure and fun, wide-eyed, crazy, able to just be themselves, and they’re full of energy as well as being responsive. You say ‘poop’ and they laugh their butt off! You pinch their face, and they laugh! You clap your hands, they laugh! You make a silly face, and they laugh, and laugh and laugh!

 

At first you just think it’s cute, but by the end, you’re so infected with their energy that you’re laughing too! And you want to be around this baby, because he or she makes you feel GOOD!

 

Next time you see a puddle, jump in it, instead of bitching about it.

Jump on a trampoline, make FUN a central focus of your life. Relax and let go. If you love fun, you’re charming.

 

8 ) Love your femininity, and be comfortable in being a woman. Accentuate all the attributes that make you feminine and womanly. It’s ok to play with your hair, twist it around in your finger, pout, bite your lip, and it’s ok to delight in your new pretty skirt, and twirl it around. This doesn’t make you an air head or a dummy, it makes you charming, especially to a man.

 

If you make a mistake, just go straight back to being the woman that you are. Keep moving forward, and go right ahead and laugh at yourself.

 

Finally, some examples of women (and a few men) who I think are charming:

Goldie Hawn

Vanessa Paradis

Tyra Banks

Heidi Klum

Cameron Diaz

Julia Roberts
**************

Clint Eastwood

Robin Williams

Sean Connery

George Clooney

Johnny Depp

 

SUMMARY

1) See the humor in things. Be able to laugh at yourself.

2) Stop trying to please people. When are people judging you? All the time.

3) In interaction with others, be at the same energy level or higher.

4) See the good in things

5) Be present in interaction with others

6) Acknowledge the 2 types of charm, engage people, and choose wisely.

7) Let go and be a kid – let the child in you show

8 ) Love your femininity, be comfortable in being a woman; accentuate your womanliness