Category Archives: ATTRACTION

7 Ways to Live Life to the Fullest!

Are you charting a course to fulfill your dreams? Or are you wandering around without a compass, hoping you’ll somehow find your way? If you’re stuck in a rut,  these tips will help you get back on track. 

1. Don’t Try to Buy Happiness
Would you be happy if you had a hundred new pairs of Jimmy Choos or a brand new BMW? Maybe at first you would, but as time went on you’d “just want more, bigger, better and different in a never-ending fashion,” explains Alan Gettis, Ph.D., author of The Happiness Solution: Finding Joy and Meaning In An Upside Down World. The pleasure centers in your brain come alive when you score the perfect skirt or a great pair of jeans, but the feeling fades. After all, if you could really buy happiness, everyone would have bought it already!

If you still believe money is the secret to satisfaction, consider this: According to a University of Illinois study, the Forbes 400 (the wealthiest billionaires in America) and the Maasai tribes of East Africa (simple, pastoral herdsmen) exhibit the same levels of happiness, regardless of their monetary differences. In plain English: Money doesn’t buy happiness!

2. Go for Guy/Girl’s Night Out
Could seeing a movie with your pals save your life? Maybe so, when you consider that loneliness is a life-threatening condition that can raise your risk of heart disease and depression.

Connecting with friends counteracts stress and spurs the release of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that soothes and calms. Maybe that’s part of the reason women have been gathering in groups for centuries, grinding corn, knitting quilts or weaving baskets. “Instinctively, we know it’s good for us,” says Rebecca Radcliffe, motivational speaker and author of Hot Flashes, Chocolate Sauce, & Rippled Thighs: Woman’s Wisdom, Wellness, and Body Gratitude.

It helps to have a close group of friends, but it’s also important to interact with people outside that circle. Every kind of positive interaction, from smiling at the waitress to chatting with your neighbor, can boost your mood, says Radcliffe.

3. Answer the Call of the Wild
Claude Monet once said, “The richness I achieve comes from nature, the source of my inspiration.” Take his advice and make a date with Mother Nature. It will lower your stress levels, strengthen your immune system and leave you feeling blissfully tranquil.

Can’t spare time away for a weekend camping trip? You’ll reap the same benefits from a quick stroll through the park or an afternoon spent gardening. Even a glance at a tree-lined street or blue sky through your office window will boost your mood and productivity.

4. Make the Little Things Count
So, your alarm woke you up on time for work this morning. If that thought doesn’t make you jump for joy, ask yourself what would have happened if the alarm had failed? You would have woken up late, rushed out the door, forgotten your briefcase and arrived at the office disheveled. Worse, what if you hadn’t woken up at all?

On a typical day, a million things go right, says Gettis. The shower has hot water, your car starts and your computer turns on. “We’re often on auto-pilot and don’t appreciate the good things around us,” he notes.

It’s human nature to rubberneck at the accident on the freeway. But instead of seeking out the bad, focus on the good that’s right in front of you.

5. Pursue Your Passions
“Passions ignite us and keep us going,” says Gettis. But some of us are so entrenched in our daily lives that we’ve lost sight of them. Radcliffe suggests asking yourself this question: “If God came to you and told you to go after your dreams right away, what would you do first?”

Stumped? It’s time for a blast from the past. What did you love to do as a child? Which clubs did you join in high school? When did you last feel truly happy, and what were you doing at the time? The answers can help you rediscover your passions. For more ideas, make a list of things you’ve always wanted to learn, and then learn them. Dance the tango, study German, take up rock-climbing, play the guitar, write a poem…anything goes as long as you’re doing it for you.

“Giving an outlet to our creative selves satisfies a hunger that cannot be filled in any other way,” explains Radcliffe.

6. Forgive Yourself
Airlines have a limit when it comes to carry-on luggage. Pity we can’t set limits on ourselves when it comes to emotional baggage. Dwelling on past mistakes only prevents us from being happy in the present.

“Focusing on the past is a trap,” says Gettis. The key to forgiving yourself is to understand and accept your own history and to learn from your mistakes. How have they made you stronger and wiser? Use the lessons of the past to make better decisions today.

Forgiveness is an ongoing process. It can take months, even years. But in the meantime, “focus on creating a fulfilling life in the present,” suggests Gettis.

7. Live in the Moment
Cocktail hours, social events or a day off work can be great fun. But what about the rest of your life? What about the time you spend at work or running errands? If we only have isolated moments on the calendar to live for, we’re in trouble.

Most of our lives are made up of seemingly mundane moments spent pumping gas or standing in line at the grocery store. Yet we often dismiss these moments. They don’t count, we say. They’re not a part of our real lives. With this attitude, you’ll waste 80% of your life, notes Gettis. “If there’s anything resembling a magic bullet or a key to the universe, it’s the ability to be fully present…here and now,” he explains.

What’s the secret to living in the moment? This story from Gettis’ book says it all: A Zen master lay dying. One of his disciples remembered the fondness his teacher had for a certain cake and set out to find it. He returned with the delicacy for his master, who smiled appreciatively and slowly nibbled it, all the while moving closer to death. His students asked him if he had any last words and he whispered “yes.” The students drew closer, so as not to miss a single word. He said, “My, this cake is delicious!”


Self Esteem: test

Self Esteem Test

This self esteem test is quick and simple, answer TRUE or FALSE to each question (if you cannot answer 100% TRUE then answer FALSE – check below how to score):

This self esteem test has been written by me, Karl Perera, author of if you want to use it you can providing you credit me as author and give your source as this website.

1.  Other people are not better off or more fortunate than me 2.  I accept myself as I am and am happy with myself

3.  I enjoy socializing

4.  I deserve love and respect

5.  I feel valued and needed

6. I don’t need others to tell me I have done a good job

7. Being myself is important

8. I make friends easily

9. I can accept criticism without feeling put down

10. I admit my mistakes openly

11. I never hide my true feelings

12. I always speak up for myself and put my views across

13. I am a happy, carefree person

14. I don’t worry what others think of my views

15. I don’t need others’ approval to feel good

16. I don’t feel guilty about doing or saying what I want

TEST SCORE: Total number of TRUE answers you gave, EACH ONE POINT:

15-16 Points – You have a high level of self esteem!

12-14 Points – Not bad but room for you to improve

8-11   Points – Low self esteem is holding you back

Below 8 Points – Your esteem is drastically low!

If you scored low what next? Visit these pages for more help:

How can I improve my self esteem? or How can I improve my self confidence?

Explore this website

Being Optimistic

Lifestyle features have a significant impact on personal happiness levels, but a significant piece of the equation is one’s attitude toward life. It’s probably no secret that optimists tend to be happier people, but you may not realize that there’s more to optimism than ‘putting on a happy face or ‘looking on the bright side’. There are specific traits of optimists, pleasantly distorted ways of thinking, that bring optimists more success, greater health, increased life satisfaction, and other goodies on a regular basis. Cultivating the mind of an optimist can not only mean cultivating happiness, regardless of your circumstance, but it can actually bring more things into your life to be happy about. (Not sure if you’re an optimist or a pessimist? This Optimism Self Test can tell you, and provide resources; many people have been surprised by their results, so I highly recommend this enlightening self assessment tool.)

In addition to optimism, happy people tend to have an internal locus of control; simply put, they tend to believe that they are the masters of their fate, rather than the victims of circumstance. When you view the stressors of your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up with more effective solutions and feel more exhilarated (rather than drained) as you tackle these circumstances.

Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?

Positive Psychology experts—those who study human happiness and the factors that contribute to it–have identified several key areas of life that seem to be more related to personal happiness. While it’s not an absolute given that dissatisfaction on one or three areas of life will lead to personal unhappiness or that satisfaction in most areas will automatically lead to bliss, there is a correlation: if you’re more satisfied with these areas of your life, you tend to be more happy in general. So what are the things in life that are correlated with personal happiness? Some of them are the things that you would expect: money, friends, health, living conditions; others are things you may not think of in your daily life, such as your neighborhood, spirituality, community involvement, and sense of meaning in life. (The role that these things play in your life can also impact your happiness, but there’s more on that later.)

For a full list of the areas of life that tend to bring happiness, see this article on finding authentic happiness; each item of the list is a link to more information and resources on the happiness-inducing lifestyle feature. Also, for a more personalized view, you can take this Happiness Self Assessment Test, which will ask you about different areas of your life and provide you with an assessment of which areas of your life may be bringing you happiness and which may need some changes. You’ll then find resources to learn more and make changes that should bring you more happiness.

Lifestyle, however, is only part of the happiness equation. Your attitude about life and the things that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. Find out more about Cultivating an Attitude for Happiness.

How to be Happy!

While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy. If the focus isn’t on the money, but on the jobs that bring the money, those jobs are generally thought to make people happy. People strive for that perfect relationship, the perfect house, the beautiful body, the approval of others, all in an attempt to be happy.

Sometimes these things make us happy; other times, we stress over not having reached our goals, or we reach them and find that we’re still not happy. Other times, we focus so intensely on one goal that’s thought to bring happiness that we don’t have time for other things in our life that will make us truly happy. This can all be confusing, and begs the question: how does one reach the goal of being happy?

The following is a step-by-step guide that can help you explore the current state of your life, assess how truly happy you are, and find a direction to work toward that will likely bring more happiness. You’ll also find resources and tips for reaching your happiness goals and setting new ones. These pages are the gateway to a life that truly makes you happy.

Men and Emotional Loneliness

By Pat McChristie

Men and Emotional Loneliness: Emotional loneliness is harder to cure than social loneliness as it requires at least one close relationship.

For the Male of Today:

Emotional loneliness is the absence of a close emotional relationship. Those superficial buddies that can cure social loneliness won’t touch the emotional variety. That explains why people can party for weeks and still feel lonely.

Although even one close relationship can cure emotional loneliness for many, that close relationship is much harder to build than a social network. And, it seems particularly difficult for men to build.


1. Developing a close relationship can be scary. All close relationships require self-disclosure. That frightens many men because of the potential rejection factor. Many men fear making a “fool of themselves” and just drop out of the game rather than risk it.

2. Just as with a love relationship, any close relationship requires a certain amount of “chemistry,” that click that comes with finding a kindred spirit. Again, this becomes a “numbers game.” We need to meet a lot of people to find our kindred spirits. Meeting a lot of people requires a lot of effort. And it does not happen quickly.

3. Developing a close relationship also requires a non-competitive atmosphere. Dropping that competitive self is hard-to-impossible for many men, especially those who have been socialized to be competitive beings–as most men have been.

4. Developing a close relationship is often stalled by sex too early in a relationship. Yet many men equate sex with the end of loneliness and as proof a woman cares. They push for sex before they have developed the underlying closeness needed to support an intimate relationship. Sex feels good for those few minutes, then loneliness returns.

Is loneliness a “woman” thing or a “man” thing?

No. Men and women suffer from loneliness in exactly the same way. In many cases, women often have a much better friend and family network for curing emotional loneliness. Men, however, can have a better network for curing social loneliness with the male “buddy” system.

Men and Social Loneliness

By Pat McChristie

Men: The first step to curing social loneliness will be to rebuild or develop a social network.

For the Male of Today:

Social loneliness is brought on by a lack of social network. Everyone needs people for “hanging out.”

The first step, then, to curing loneliness will be to rebuild or develop a social network.

Men seek out “buddies” that fulfill their needs for social contacts–the guys at work, a tennis partner, possibly a drinking buddy or two.

Men also seek female friends for a social network. Men have told me women friends are less competitive, more compassionate, and better listeners than their male buddies.

In addition, it is quite socially acceptable for men to go places alone so men who do not have a social network can build one quickly if they choose to do so.

Social loneliness is usually not as prevalent in men as in women unless a man is dealing with extreme shyness or other unusual circumstances beyond the scope of one article.