Category Archives: ATTRACTION

7 Ways to Live Life to the Fullest!

Are you charting a course to fulfill your dreams? Or are you wandering around without a compass, hoping you’ll somehow find your way? If you’re stuck in a rut,  these tips will help you get back on track. 

1. Don’t Try to Buy Happiness
Would you be happy if you had a hundred new pairs of Jimmy Choos or a brand new BMW? Maybe at first you would, but as time went on you’d “just want more, bigger, better and different in a never-ending fashion,” explains Alan Gettis, Ph.D., author of The Happiness Solution: Finding Joy and Meaning In An Upside Down World. The pleasure centers in your brain come alive when you score the perfect skirt or a great pair of jeans, but the feeling fades. After all, if you could really buy happiness, everyone would have bought it already!

If you still believe money is the secret to satisfaction, consider this: According to a University of Illinois study, the Forbes 400 (the wealthiest billionaires in America) and the Maasai tribes of East Africa (simple, pastoral herdsmen) exhibit the same levels of happiness, regardless of their monetary differences. In plain English: Money doesn’t buy happiness!

2. Go for Guy/Girl’s Night Out
Could seeing a movie with your pals save your life? Maybe so, when you consider that loneliness is a life-threatening condition that can raise your risk of heart disease and depression.

Connecting with friends counteracts stress and spurs the release of oxytocin, a neurotransmitter that soothes and calms. Maybe that’s part of the reason women have been gathering in groups for centuries, grinding corn, knitting quilts or weaving baskets. “Instinctively, we know it’s good for us,” says Rebecca Radcliffe, motivational speaker and author of Hot Flashes, Chocolate Sauce, & Rippled Thighs: Woman’s Wisdom, Wellness, and Body Gratitude.

It helps to have a close group of friends, but it’s also important to interact with people outside that circle. Every kind of positive interaction, from smiling at the waitress to chatting with your neighbor, can boost your mood, says Radcliffe.

3. Answer the Call of the Wild
Claude Monet once said, “The richness I achieve comes from nature, the source of my inspiration.” Take his advice and make a date with Mother Nature. It will lower your stress levels, strengthen your immune system and leave you feeling blissfully tranquil.

Can’t spare time away for a weekend camping trip? You’ll reap the same benefits from a quick stroll through the park or an afternoon spent gardening. Even a glance at a tree-lined street or blue sky through your office window will boost your mood and productivity.

4. Make the Little Things Count
So, your alarm woke you up on time for work this morning. If that thought doesn’t make you jump for joy, ask yourself what would have happened if the alarm had failed? You would have woken up late, rushed out the door, forgotten your briefcase and arrived at the office disheveled. Worse, what if you hadn’t woken up at all?

On a typical day, a million things go right, says Gettis. The shower has hot water, your car starts and your computer turns on. “We’re often on auto-pilot and don’t appreciate the good things around us,” he notes.

It’s human nature to rubberneck at the accident on the freeway. But instead of seeking out the bad, focus on the good that’s right in front of you.

5. Pursue Your Passions
“Passions ignite us and keep us going,” says Gettis. But some of us are so entrenched in our daily lives that we’ve lost sight of them. Radcliffe suggests asking yourself this question: “If God came to you and told you to go after your dreams right away, what would you do first?”

Stumped? It’s time for a blast from the past. What did you love to do as a child? Which clubs did you join in high school? When did you last feel truly happy, and what were you doing at the time? The answers can help you rediscover your passions. For more ideas, make a list of things you’ve always wanted to learn, and then learn them. Dance the tango, study German, take up rock-climbing, play the guitar, write a poem…anything goes as long as you’re doing it for you.

“Giving an outlet to our creative selves satisfies a hunger that cannot be filled in any other way,” explains Radcliffe.

6. Forgive Yourself
Airlines have a limit when it comes to carry-on luggage. Pity we can’t set limits on ourselves when it comes to emotional baggage. Dwelling on past mistakes only prevents us from being happy in the present.

“Focusing on the past is a trap,” says Gettis. The key to forgiving yourself is to understand and accept your own history and to learn from your mistakes. How have they made you stronger and wiser? Use the lessons of the past to make better decisions today.

Forgiveness is an ongoing process. It can take months, even years. But in the meantime, “focus on creating a fulfilling life in the present,” suggests Gettis.

7. Live in the Moment
Cocktail hours, social events or a day off work can be great fun. But what about the rest of your life? What about the time you spend at work or running errands? If we only have isolated moments on the calendar to live for, we’re in trouble.

Most of our lives are made up of seemingly mundane moments spent pumping gas or standing in line at the grocery store. Yet we often dismiss these moments. They don’t count, we say. They’re not a part of our real lives. With this attitude, you’ll waste 80% of your life, notes Gettis. “If there’s anything resembling a magic bullet or a key to the universe, it’s the ability to be fully present…here and now,” he explains.

What’s the secret to living in the moment? This story from Gettis’ book says it all: A Zen master lay dying. One of his disciples remembered the fondness his teacher had for a certain cake and set out to find it. He returned with the delicacy for his master, who smiled appreciatively and slowly nibbled it, all the while moving closer to death. His students asked him if he had any last words and he whispered “yes.” The students drew closer, so as not to miss a single word. He said, “My, this cake is delicious!”


Self Esteem: test

Self Esteem Test

This self esteem test is quick and simple, answer TRUE or FALSE to each question (if you cannot answer 100% TRUE then answer FALSE – check below how to score):

This self esteem test has been written by me, Karl Perera, author of if you want to use it you can providing you credit me as author and give your source as this website.

1.  Other people are not better off or more fortunate than me 2.  I accept myself as I am and am happy with myself

3.  I enjoy socializing

4.  I deserve love and respect

5.  I feel valued and needed

6. I don’t need others to tell me I have done a good job

7. Being myself is important

8. I make friends easily

9. I can accept criticism without feeling put down

10. I admit my mistakes openly

11. I never hide my true feelings

12. I always speak up for myself and put my views across

13. I am a happy, carefree person

14. I don’t worry what others think of my views

15. I don’t need others’ approval to feel good

16. I don’t feel guilty about doing or saying what I want

TEST SCORE: Total number of TRUE answers you gave, EACH ONE POINT:

15-16 Points – You have a high level of self esteem!

12-14 Points – Not bad but room for you to improve

8-11   Points – Low self esteem is holding you back

Below 8 Points – Your esteem is drastically low!

If you scored low what next? Visit these pages for more help:

How can I improve my self esteem? or How can I improve my self confidence?

Explore this website

Being Optimistic

Lifestyle features have a significant impact on personal happiness levels, but a significant piece of the equation is one’s attitude toward life. It’s probably no secret that optimists tend to be happier people, but you may not realize that there’s more to optimism than ‘putting on a happy face or ‘looking on the bright side’. There are specific traits of optimists, pleasantly distorted ways of thinking, that bring optimists more success, greater health, increased life satisfaction, and other goodies on a regular basis. Cultivating the mind of an optimist can not only mean cultivating happiness, regardless of your circumstance, but it can actually bring more things into your life to be happy about. (Not sure if you’re an optimist or a pessimist? This Optimism Self Test can tell you, and provide resources; many people have been surprised by their results, so I highly recommend this enlightening self assessment tool.)

In addition to optimism, happy people tend to have an internal locus of control; simply put, they tend to believe that they are the masters of their fate, rather than the victims of circumstance. When you view the stressors of your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up with more effective solutions and feel more exhilarated (rather than drained) as you tackle these circumstances.

Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?

Positive Psychology experts—those who study human happiness and the factors that contribute to it–have identified several key areas of life that seem to be more related to personal happiness. While it’s not an absolute given that dissatisfaction on one or three areas of life will lead to personal unhappiness or that satisfaction in most areas will automatically lead to bliss, there is a correlation: if you’re more satisfied with these areas of your life, you tend to be more happy in general. So what are the things in life that are correlated with personal happiness? Some of them are the things that you would expect: money, friends, health, living conditions; others are things you may not think of in your daily life, such as your neighborhood, spirituality, community involvement, and sense of meaning in life. (The role that these things play in your life can also impact your happiness, but there’s more on that later.)

For a full list of the areas of life that tend to bring happiness, see this article on finding authentic happiness; each item of the list is a link to more information and resources on the happiness-inducing lifestyle feature. Also, for a more personalized view, you can take this Happiness Self Assessment Test, which will ask you about different areas of your life and provide you with an assessment of which areas of your life may be bringing you happiness and which may need some changes. You’ll then find resources to learn more and make changes that should bring you more happiness.

Lifestyle, however, is only part of the happiness equation. Your attitude about life and the things that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. Find out more about Cultivating an Attitude for Happiness.

How to be Happy!

While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy. If the focus isn’t on the money, but on the jobs that bring the money, those jobs are generally thought to make people happy. People strive for that perfect relationship, the perfect house, the beautiful body, the approval of others, all in an attempt to be happy.

Sometimes these things make us happy; other times, we stress over not having reached our goals, or we reach them and find that we’re still not happy. Other times, we focus so intensely on one goal that’s thought to bring happiness that we don’t have time for other things in our life that will make us truly happy. This can all be confusing, and begs the question: how does one reach the goal of being happy?

The following is a step-by-step guide that can help you explore the current state of your life, assess how truly happy you are, and find a direction to work toward that will likely bring more happiness. You’ll also find resources and tips for reaching your happiness goals and setting new ones. These pages are the gateway to a life that truly makes you happy.

Men and Emotional Loneliness

By Pat McChristie

Men and Emotional Loneliness: Emotional loneliness is harder to cure than social loneliness as it requires at least one close relationship.

For the Male of Today:

Emotional loneliness is the absence of a close emotional relationship. Those superficial buddies that can cure social loneliness won’t touch the emotional variety. That explains why people can party for weeks and still feel lonely.

Although even one close relationship can cure emotional loneliness for many, that close relationship is much harder to build than a social network. And, it seems particularly difficult for men to build.


1. Developing a close relationship can be scary. All close relationships require self-disclosure. That frightens many men because of the potential rejection factor. Many men fear making a “fool of themselves” and just drop out of the game rather than risk it.

2. Just as with a love relationship, any close relationship requires a certain amount of “chemistry,” that click that comes with finding a kindred spirit. Again, this becomes a “numbers game.” We need to meet a lot of people to find our kindred spirits. Meeting a lot of people requires a lot of effort. And it does not happen quickly.

3. Developing a close relationship also requires a non-competitive atmosphere. Dropping that competitive self is hard-to-impossible for many men, especially those who have been socialized to be competitive beings–as most men have been.

4. Developing a close relationship is often stalled by sex too early in a relationship. Yet many men equate sex with the end of loneliness and as proof a woman cares. They push for sex before they have developed the underlying closeness needed to support an intimate relationship. Sex feels good for those few minutes, then loneliness returns.

Is loneliness a “woman” thing or a “man” thing?

No. Men and women suffer from loneliness in exactly the same way. In many cases, women often have a much better friend and family network for curing emotional loneliness. Men, however, can have a better network for curing social loneliness with the male “buddy” system.

Men and Social Loneliness

By Pat McChristie

Men: The first step to curing social loneliness will be to rebuild or develop a social network.

For the Male of Today:

Social loneliness is brought on by a lack of social network. Everyone needs people for “hanging out.”

The first step, then, to curing loneliness will be to rebuild or develop a social network.

Men seek out “buddies” that fulfill their needs for social contacts–the guys at work, a tennis partner, possibly a drinking buddy or two.

Men also seek female friends for a social network. Men have told me women friends are less competitive, more compassionate, and better listeners than their male buddies.

In addition, it is quite socially acceptable for men to go places alone so men who do not have a social network can build one quickly if they choose to do so.

Social loneliness is usually not as prevalent in men as in women unless a man is dealing with extreme shyness or other unusual circumstances beyond the scope of one article.

How to Deal with Loneliness

Loneliness is not something that strikes the poor, unpopular, or unattractive. Loneliness is a feeling. It’s not a situation. Being alone is a situation. Feeling lonely – or, feeling alone is an emotion anyone can feel, regardless of their social or family life, and regardless of fame or lack thereof.

It’s so important for women to feel connected. If you don’t feel connected, it’s going to be hard for you – or any feminine woman for that matter – to feel feminine and radiant.

Often, when you feel lonely, it can feel embarrassing. As if you’re unpopular, unwanted, dumb, always wrong or ugly. Some people even justify their loneliness with being too beautiful or successful, as if no-one can be around them because people are too jealous of them. The truth is that we have – all of us – felt lonely before in our life. I have. I know all my friends and family have. I know people who read this blog have felt this way.

Before I talk about how to deal with the feeling of loneliness, it’s more useful to know why we feel lonely.We can justify it with all sorts of reasons. For example, that ‘they’ haven’t done enough for us. He or she treated us badly. ‘He’ commandeers all our time.

Nobody cares. No-one cared enough.

Or we could blame ourselves. We could say we’re too stupid, too old, too goofy or nerdy, that we never know how to converse with people in social situations, that we always say stupid things, that no-one understands us or that we always say or do the wrong thing. No-one seems to have interests in common with you.

None of it puts you in a better state and none of that – blaming ourselves or others – helps at all. It never will.

So why do we actually feel lonely? Where does this feeling of loneliness and (perhaps accompanied by) depression come from? There are two main reasons you feel lonely.

1) The belief that other people don’t have our best intentions in mind. Believing that people are bad, or that you cannot trust anyone; and

2) The feeling that we are not connected. Not connected to others or ourselves, and the feeling that we cannot connect.

You can be very alone; you could even be a hermit and still not feel alone, or feel lonely, because you feel you have the ability to connect at any time.

How can that be? I mean, we all know most people haven’t cared enough or know people who prefer to exclude others. It’s hard for most people to find people who truly care. Hell, even family can care little – or less than people who are not members of our family. And it can be even worse when you want to follow your heart, and your family just wants you to do things the way they want you to do it!

Sometimes the people we thought cared contribute to us feeling like we are fools for ever thinking they cared. So, don’t we have a right to feel lonely? And isn’t it just a feeling that’s a result of the truth?

Well – it is and it isn’t.

If you have an underlying belief that people don’t care, and that people would rather step all over you, or that you don’t have the capacity to connect with others or be on their wavelength, you’re naturally not going to be open to friendships and new social situations, and people pick that up, even if only subconsciously. Most of us just don’t really know that we’re harboring this terrible belief that people are out to get us – and it creates a blockage between you and other human beings.

Obviously this is contextual. You don’t want to assume people have your best intentions in mind when walking alone down an alley way at 3 am in the morning.

How to overcome the feeling of loneliness

So, to stop feeling lonely as soon as possible, ask yourself this question, and ask it every time you do feel lonely:

What do I value more?

1) My feeling of loneliness – and defending that feeling; or

2) Creating a beautiful connection with myself and other human beings that will make both them and myself feel loved and happy?

If you value your feeling of loneliness, you most likely value it because you perceive that it meets your needs better, and likely also because that’s what you’ve always done, so it feels safe.

If you value connecting with others, inspiring yourself and others, you will focus on what you can do to get yourself out of that situation, because one thing is for sure – this affects more than just you. If you feel connected, loved and able to trust others – then it’s likely that 1,2,3,4, 8, 10 or more other people will also feel connected, because YOU are. If you’re connected, it’s likely that someone else also feels connected, and then you’re inspiring and inspired. Then you’re connected and you won’t feel lonely.

If you feel lonely, and choose to always sit around entertaining that feeling (we’ve all done it before), then not only are you neglecting to give yourself a gift, you’re also neglecting others who need you. Many people out there are just waiting to meet a caring friend.

This is not to say don’t feel lonely. You need to feel, and allow yourself to fully feel. But allowing yourself to feel is different to feeling and doing nothing about it.

You are a lot more social, courageous, lovable, charming and energetic than you think or feel, at any given time.

However, this all takes courage. It’s all about overcoming fear and valuing your sense of connection more than your feeling of loneliness. If you like the certainty of loneliness, then do loneliness.

If you love others, and you truly care about yourself and other people – do what it takes to do connected. Instead of doing loneliness.

How to feel connected

The second reason for feeling lonely was a lack of general feeling of connectedness – or a feeling that you are unable to connect with others and/or yourself.

If you have this feeling, here is how you can start to feel connected, and re-energize yourself so that you can feel feminine, loving and loved. There are three ways:

1) Other people

2) Other living things/animals and yourself (feeling for yourself).

3) Memories. Memories of feeling connected and loved. (remembering back to a time when you did feel connected and loved, and drawing inspirations and energy from that to help you feel that it’s possible).

A little anecdote

In my life, I’ve dealt with (and are still dealing with) a few women (especially older women) who have pushed everyone away from them because they insisted that everybody was an ‘outsider’. Even if they desperately wanted to open their heart – and have it opened by someone, they couldn’t, because no matter how much anyone did for them or felt for them, they refused to see or believe it. They see things that aren’t there. And they interpret blatant acts of authentic caring from others as ‘they want something’ or ‘it’s just some sick joke trying to fool me in to trusting again’.

So, when you next feel lonely, remember that there ARE people who have your best intentions in mind out there somewhere, and more importantly, that you will inspire that intention in others you never thought would have it if you do it first yourself.

Mediocre Women and Negativity

“I would rather have a mind opened by wonder

than one closed by belief.”

-Gerry Spence.

In our culture, we are bombarded with negativity every day. If you watch the news (I stopped watching any Television and reduced my ‘news’ intake about 4 years ago, although I still read the news selectively) you will know that we are always given reasons to fear. The news and the tabloids are always giving us reasons to be fearful.

If you believe what is fed to you by the news, and the useless magazines, and you don’t make an effort to feed your heart and mind with loving messages, you probably think you can’t trust anybody. On the news every day there’s stories about who’s cheating on who, or what celebrity is in rehab, or who is going through a divorce, or who got murdered by her husband.

Growing up, and growing old, we are trained to look for what is ‘wrong’ in things. We’re encouraged to look for what’s missing, where somebody has failed, or how somebody’s intentions aren’t genuine, because we live in a world of fear and conflict. Most people act out of fear, and we are encouraged to be skeptical, negative and to protect ourselves.

Settling for a belief that dis-empowers you and the people you love, is gutless.

It takes no courage, for you, as a woman, to see the bad in people, in a situation – in anything! It takes no courage to be a pessimist, to criticize, or to think the worst of people.

Being realistic vs having courage

The problem with being negative or “realistic” – (which really is another word for seeing things in a way that makes you powerless so you can justify not taking any action) is that it’s easy to do, and we start doing it ALL the time out of habit, without consciously being aware of it. Instead, acting from a place of pride and self-respect or love would be the better way to go about things.

The reason why there’s plenty of mediocre advice out there is because this is what most people do. They become “realistic”, when, they’re really giving themselves a reason to turn cynical, or as I like to say, giving themselves a reason to keep the status quo – so they don’t inspire change in themselves, in their relationship or in others.

This takes no emotional muscle, and it takes zero courage.

This is what most people do. Most people do what is easy.The average woman will look for the bad in things, so don’t cheap out on yourself with pessimism.

See, people tend to think that by noticing all the bad things in a situation, or in their boyfriend or husband, they’re doing themselves a favor – because we’ve all been taught to be “smart about things” (in other words, be careful, and watch out for when things will go wrong, and when they do – RUN).

Reacting to the behavior of men

It’s just all too easy to look at someone else’s behavior and just put it down to them being an idiot. Especially men. However, this is the attitude of an average woman. It’s an attitude that leads to mediocrity. Do you really want that? Do you really want an average life? Or an average relationship? Do you really want to just be a mediocre person? Or to have mediocre standards for yourself?

A relationship that’s just ‘OK’? A life where you ‘survive’ – in other words, you just ‘get by’? This is where cynicism and negativity will get you. Nobody ever achieved anything great, and nobody ever achieved true happiness by thinking badly about things.

Scared and cowardly people sit in their corner pointing out what’s ‘wrong’ with things.

I know of a relationship ‘guru’ who once said men are supposed to be givers in relationships.

I’m sorry? I’ve got news: no-one is supposed to be anything in relationships. People do what meets their needs, and if you want to impose rules on any man – make sure you can meet them yourself first. My bet is that you don’t even always meet your own rules.

And the more rules you have – the less happy you will be. In general, the more rules we have about how things ‘should’ be, the less likely we are to find and maintain that loving relationship that we want.

Easy is not rewarding

If it was easy, we wouldn’t grow. And we ALWAYS have to grow. What happens if we are not growing? We’re dying. If everything was easy, and we didn’t have to challenge ourselves, then we could ALL have super boyfriends and husbands, and we would all ‘get the job’, or live that great lifestyle, and we know that’s not the truth.

And if you want a great relationship and a quality man, you cannot look for the bad in things; you have to look for the good.

This is called courage, although most people would tell you it’s stupidity or naivety. I call this attitude mediocrity.

This doesn’t mean you should ignore the truth – no, you have to acknowledge the truth, see it for what it is, and then see it better than it is, so you can do something about it. If you see it as just a crappy situation, you’re not going to be driven to do anything about anything.

Breeding mediocrity

And this is how mediocrity is bred.

So, instead of calling someone a ‘man-child’, or a commitment-phobe, instead of saying he’s just an a**, just stop for a minute. People do things for a reason, and we cannot help ourselves by settling for these mediocre beliefs. You know better, don’t you?

I’m not telling you to accept bad treatment. Not at all. What I am suggesting is to have high standards for yourself, and to not trap yourself in dead-end patterns or beliefs that lead you nowhere closer to the life and love that you truly deserve, and certainly don’t lead you to understand yourself or other people any better.

Remember that quote: ‘An eye for an eye will eventually make the world go blind’?

It’s true, but most importantly, it makes You blind.

And soon enough, alone.

In relationships, and with men, you simply cannot afford to punish (passively or actively – emotionally or physically) and to see a man as less than he is.

Don’t settle for beliefs and conclusions that dis-empower you! You are worth more than that!

You don’t HAVE to settle, or to point the finger. Every day you get to choose. You get to choose what mindset to have, and you get to choose to hold yourself to a higher standard.

So from now on, here is what I want you to do:

The better way to see things would not be to pretend everything is great and buy in to the whole silly positive thinking idea – the better way would be to see things as they are, (acknowledge the truth), and then find a way to make it better.

Confidence Thinking

by Catherine Pratt

Confidence thinking is really the mastery of one’s mind. You need to have control over your thoughts and not the other way around.

Once you gain this skill, and it really is just a skill you develop, you then not only think positively, you’ll have an aura of complete confidence and inner peace.

It’s your thought patterns which have the greatest impact on your life. Think about it. If you think everything in your world is horrible and that there’s no hope then how can you possibly change your life for the better?

Your negative thoughts now completely control your life.

The good news is that you can change this simply by learning a few techniques to gain mastery over your thoughts.

You start by paying attention to your thoughts. What is that little voice you have in your head saying to you over and over?

Once you start actually hearing these thoughts, you’re going to want to know “How do I stop the negative thoughts in my head” and “How do I gain control over how I automatically react to certain situations?

These are easy to use tips and strategies that will help you change your negative thought patterns into confidence thinking:

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